November-The Bestest Month?

November 2010 should be an awesome month for me.
Two big reasons.
First, it’s NaNoWriMo. A chance as the winter darkens the nights to simply curl up in the warm and type.
Second, in two and a bit weeks my first full length play “Hayah” is being performed by the Second Years.
Yes, I realise that I have not blogged about this play.
Suffice to say, I am madly excited to see my work being performed as well as marvelling the speed and enthusiasm the cast have taken to the piece.
The play covers the Fall of Lucifer, the death of Judas all the way to a post-apocalyptic world where a man paints butterflies on the walls for future generations.
That and a puppet show during the interval.
There are no seats and the audiences sits on the set.
So if you’re free, 17th to 19th November at 7:30 in the John Millas Building of Solent University.

Okay, second point (that I said first...I AM ABOVE TIME! I AM THE TIME LORD VICTORIOUS!)
So of you might remember “The Fitcher Files”, the stories I wrote in 2008.
Well, I lost interest.
Now two years on, I’m going back and I’m doing it right.
I give you:



THE FITCHER KING
Samuel T. Fitcher is good with his life.
He has a small detective agency in a tiny English town.
He has a sectary who is half-Gorgon and must always wear sunglasses to avoid turning others to stone.
He even has a three headed Cerberus
puppy named Cliché.
Sure, he was thrown out of the Apotopaic Einheriar Clan (The unpronounceable name sums them up really) and shouldn’t be practicing magic but he’s happy.
Then, during a routine exorcism at a school prom, the demon decides to destroy the girl rather than surrender.
Suddenly he’s on the radar of everything mildly supernatural.
It’s a fight for his life and the life of those around him.
You know, normal weekday really.

(Picture Credit: 247 Deep Blue by dracorubio)
Who is he? Well, he’s not Sam. I think. I look forward to finding out quite how this mysterious hoodie wearer is!

So there.
Quick heads up.
Happy Anon?

IT'S ALIVE!!!

Jesus Christ but those robots REALLY never give up. Took me almost a year to make sure I could escape.
There was a hairy patch couple of months back but my daughter from the future managed to tackle them . Cheers HunBun, love you!
Hello blogasphere.
Ya miss me? I missed you.
Now, what shall we talk about?
Friday, I wrote in my journal for the first time since March. I wrote an entry tonight and then went ‘Didn’t I have a more open way of telling people about things?’
I did and so after almost a year fleeing for my life, I am back. Be honest. Some of you MUST have thought I was dead. No, still kicking!...Well, I was dead for a few weeks but they rebooted the timeline which was nice of them. Though supposedly I have a sister now?
So what has changed since last year?
• I’m 21 now. Legal to drink in various countries now. On my actual day? Went to the hospital to see my Grandfather who taken ill earlier that day. My party? A gay man touched my no-no place.
So THAT happened!
• My NaNo novel was ‘Yeddeoni’ the simple tale of a man who could see ghosts, his partner and the ghost who just wanted him to kill himself so she could have a friend. So my usual upbeat stuff. Maybe I’ll get it up one of these days.
o There was also a plotpoint about a man being wiped out of history by forces unknown. Yes, Moffat managed to steal my unpublished, very common idea. I will SUE!!!1
• I have a 2.1 for my second year which included me being naked on stage.
• I am currently writing a play for the Second Years at my Uni. It is called ‘Hayah’ and concerns angels and other winged beings. A little bit of Joan of Arc, some Judas and the fact there are no seats should add up to crazy times at Solent Uni!
• Recently I awoke to strangers in my home. ‘Don’t worry,’ says they ‘we have the keys from the landlord.’ Turns out they are hired to paint the outside of my house. They have kept waking me and just dumping stuff. At the time of writing, I have about two days left here. Can’t be over soon enough.
• I am going to the Fringe to perform street theatre as a butler. So do say if you’re around the last week of the Fringe so I may come and service you. (Hope that no one sniggered there. For shame, for shame).

I think that will do for now. I am REALLY going to try and keep this more up-to-date now.

Avoiding Writing with Writing.

Okay guys. I’m hiding out of this blog to get away from the ‘work’.
See, my Body teacher (yes, I have a body teacher. Yes, I dance. Yes, I seem to go through it with a sardonic grin and the knowledge I’ll never be a dancer.) Anyway, she cancelled the lesson on Tuesday. So I go ‘Four day weekend? AWESOME! I’ll edit my book.’
*headbutts wall*
I knew it would be a long and boring process. But MAN!
I have to correct my spelling. And fix the plotholes. And make it make sense. And I need to get a form off the IRS if I use the publishing company that I’m only using because the NaNoWriMo people gave me a coupon code to get a free copy of the book. And. And. AND!
That said, I have a 'missing chapter' that I cut for being too silly.

So I’m hiding out of this blog. And listening to REM on YouTube for some bizarre reason (‘Nightswimming’ if you care.)

In less scary news Tess and I (You all remember Tess?) have created a series of videos called EPIC LISTS. Go watch what I do in my free time when not rewriting my classic!

I don’t mean to shock or amaze you but it snowed. That was exciting. I got into the paper. (Tess is the pink hated one and my friend Craig is the guy kneeling in front of the purple scarf.) I remember days of my youth going out to throw stones on the frozen lake in the grounds of the school. There I was thinking such things were long gone.
Tess, the Swiss Miss that she is, mocks our lack of preparation for the snow. I tried to say this was a fallacy. It’s like India mocking Holland for not being ready for flooding. You can’t apply the fact that the Swiss have a lot of snow and then say ‘they know how to deal with it. So should you!’ Whatever. I’m just glad my grandparents haven’t slipped over yet.

So that’s what’s happening with me.

The December Ramble

So I have a week to sum up. Funarific.

In strange news, my friend Tess randomly said when we walking along a few days ago “People who like you are called JanFans. Where did that come from?” I blinked and talked about JanManFan all the while thinking “You read my blog?”
I wish people would tell me these things. It gets me all a fluster. What if I was saying what colour my underwear was? That’s information you could bring me down with. Ruin my chances of getting into politics.
Of course, that’s the risk of blogs. ANYONE can read them. Did you know that? Now you do.
Next blog I’ll tell you why you shouldn’t lick cats. Look forward to THAT!
Anyway, people are catching onto calling me Jancis. HURRAH! Although I have to say “Don’t try it. You can never say it.” One git a while back was like “Then I’ll call you Dave” I said “No. You really won’t” and glared. He was drunk as if that will make things better. (Still a tool though.)

In exciting news, I have finished my novel.
Yes, JanFans 57,140 words of…words. I have given it to three friends who are at the moment browsing it when they feel like. They say they enjoyed the first chapter then needed to stare at the wall. Freaking readers.
So that’s going to be fun. Rewriting it over the holidays in between writing essays.

That’s the awful thing. Now I’m done, I don’t have anything to keep me going. Used to be I could have a shite day but I say “I shall have to take my anger out on my characters.”
Because I don’t have a wife to beat.
(That speck? Oh that’s the line. Went over that five years ago and never looked back).
People have said, “Why don’t you just write another book?” I glare at them and point out that I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep in a month AND I’m breaking up for the holidays in a week. I have enough work as it is as the moment. And I’m not eating properly. And I have to get up in the morning. Why don’t THEY write a book? They will?…Can I read it when it’s done?

Anyway, it’s a great thing to drop in conversation.
“I have a four thousand word essay for a week!
“Hmm. Yeah. Ah. Did I mention I wrote a novel in a month?”
“No, you didn’t. But now I know, please take me in a manly yet sensitive manner.”
And that’s how I met your mother, son.

Did you know we have to write journals on our physical lessons then part of our mark is peer review based on what everyone else put? Did you know that? What about that? I’m just glad I haven’t made anyone cry yet. (Give me time. I am an arsehole.)

So today, I got to show my seminar that I worked on for so long on. Sadly, the computers hate us and it ended up with us having to show the videos and not the slides. Sad. My college and I started to sink into depression. Long talk about sucikness of world over Burger King. Got up the balls to ask scary, shaveheaded Northern Comedy teacher how we did. He looks at us and nods “Very good.” DAY MADE! Sun shining. Birds singing. Everyone in the room 1.6% sexier.

It’s all a case of staying upbeat I guess.

This is rambling I know.
But I’m tired.
So sue me.
Please don’t sue me. I have no money.
I have to write stories for Christmas presents. (To give, as gifts but wouldn’t that be a great system? “I want a Wii!” “Write me the tale of a young woman finding love in a strange location. You must include an Irish pirate and the phrase “popsqualouck.”)

So until next time JanFans!

Just thought you'd like to know:

And I'm not yet finished. Few more chapters and I'm done!
I GET TO SLEEP!

Spring Awakening: The Tale of the Philosophising Teenage Rapist and His Suicidal Gay Friend

So I’ve had a quick shower in my crappy shower cubicle, put on my PJs and am already for beddy-bies.
When all of a sudden I think “I should tell people what happened in my week!”
So wrapped in a dressing gown and wearing some nice slippers, I shall catch you up on my adventures.

For you JanFans (That is all your official names I have decided apart from Mark who is a JanManFan) who simply have come here to hear about my novel, I can tell you at 10:42 on the 22 November 2008 the word count stands at 37824 (76% done).
Twelve thousand words in eight days.
Can I do it?
I should bloody hope so.
I’ve been a real bastard for the last month. “Sorry I can’t come drinking. I have a book to write. Hmm? No, I don’t drink. Eh? No, I just like watching people being drunk. You see I am a really horrible guy who finds you being stupidly pissed funny. Then I like being able to remember it and flaunt it over you.”

Also I have started adding people into my book without getting permission. BECAUSE I CAN. Sarah and Mark have a completely pointless chapter about them but its quite bizarrely funny.
What do you mean you want a quote?
Oh for frell’s sake.
“She began to kick at the birds who were vainly trying to get to the bag by jumping and flapping. Their lack of flight was clearly hindering their mugging abilities.”
You happy now?
Bloody hell.

So that’s NaNoWriMo.
Now we move onto the play.

So a few weeks back my teacher for acting asked me if I had a job. When I said no, he said would I like to be in the second year play? So I said yes and I got to meet the Second Year for their performance of “Spring Awakening”.
I looked shifty as I stood in the Baptist Church hall and looked around at the Bright Young People. “Oh ho” thought I “I don’t even know everyone in my First Year group. How will I learn all your names?” (Psssst. I haven’t.)
I was cast as both a teacher and a priest. It was four lines and a long speech.
Sadly two of the lines were taken away when my teacher, playing the headmaster, cut it out so he didn’t have to learn more lines.

They needed someone else to fill an empty spot of one of the school boys.
In rehearsals, I got to play that role but I couldn’t be a boy AND a teacher.
Thus followed me going around my peers going “You want to be in a play? What do you mean you have too much do?” So we finally got someone on our third try, two weeks before we performed. (He did quite well, by the by).

We had to work the rehearsals around when the Second Years were free and so were we. We weren’t allowed to miss lectuares until this week.
But it was just a video THAT I AM GOING TO WATCH WHEN I GET HOME.
But it worked out in the end.

So we all tried to pull together the play and it kind of did.
Sure no one was really sure of his or her lines on the first night and we stopped a few times.
In the dress rehearsal, I forgot a line and asked for a prompt. She couldn’t find it so I actually said “Okay, I’m calling the funeral short” and gave my smug head bump.
Then that night, the bit of me that deals with creative musing (PAM for those of you following along at home) went “Nope, sorry. Wiped that bit out so you can remember the fact that you forgot your line.” So I skipped it. Then the guy who was next just went “Oh, he’s finished” and moved on.
But it taught us all a lesson and the next two lights went much better.

Funny story.
The stage doors at the back of the theatre have electric locks and when the main building locks so do those doors. Thus our main character was locked back stage on the first night.
It was extra funny because he had been late earlier finding a prop and walked in going “I have found my book. It was on the porch. Now what were we talking about?” “Ah yes” says the other actor “I believe I was saying something along the lines of-”
Hee-larious.
So tonight we had to prop the doors.
And all the doors in the place slam like no one’s business.
So we had to get dressed without talking.

But I really had fun with it and got to meet some cool people while helping them with their exam work.
Hopefully I have got myself onto the radar.
Bigger and better things!

And now I catch up on all the presentation work I put off so I could do the play.
I can do it.
I’m great at winging things…I think. I HOPE.
Anyway, I have a book to go write!

What is my 20000th word?

Want.

40% done.

Note: This appeared on my Facebook but I'll put it here.
Do you want to get a mention in the book?
Please tell me. You too can be a seller of wares or a deranged "superhero".
Do it...DO IT NOW!

A big day for me.

I was just stopping to check the clock when I found THAT. Talk about lucky!

New from Jancis' Insane Mind

Doctor Ethan Quayle is a great man. He is young, handsome and charismatic. Oh and he is also the evil scientist who blew up Pluto. (He didn’t mean to).
After surrendering to police, Ethan sits in his jail cell awaiting his trial. He remembers his life, from his birth in a church cloakroom to his rise to Public Enemy Number Two (after Captain David Thawe, the man who helped him become the villain he is today.)
He isn’t expecting understanding or agreement with his actions. He simply wants to tell his story.
Ladies and gents (and Igors) I gave you the tale of The Fall of Ethan Quayle (Evil Scientist)

Starting November 1st. Finishing December 1st. Jancis' National Novel Writing Month Novel. Buy Now.