Friday, January 11, 2008

How I got off the Black List.

Oh my golly gosh. I’ve been Shame Blogged. But at least that wonderful mopeblog has gone meaning I’m back in the Top Three. Oh Toast, I was so looking forward to the time you got alcohol poisoning and wondered if you got raped on the pumping table.
So what I have been up to then?
Holidays were fine and I’ve finally got enough money to buy my way into good society. Which spoils the starving artist ideal but I also got a scarf so I can stand on rooftops and mope.
At the present I’m in the process of Uni interviews. So far I’ve had two say yes unconditionally. My charisma shines from the paper and the psycho killer photo they wanted.
Simply the three who wanted to see all have different criteria which run from:
1) Turn up on this day
2) Prepare a 30 second mime entitled “The first picture of you”
3) Learn 2 two-minute monologues, one oldy, one twentieth centaury.

I went to the Mime one on Monday. Sadly the mime which I almost killed myself planning was used to be mashed up into a combo-mime with a partner. So I just went along with what ever they wanted.
This ended up with me having my photo taken while a girl did the whole “I IZ A TREE. NOWE I IZ A TREE. ME TEH LUVLY” version of mime.
I have become comfortably numb over the whole thing.
Ah but then we had to do the “Count to ten without stepping over each other.” My team won thanks to my great plan. I just didn’t say anything and just grinned at the interviewer. He liked me. So I have that going for me. Which is nice.
But then we had to think of five sentences that were unconnected. So while everyone thought zany was “The sign said left!” I dug out a slither of my insanity to give:
“That won’t bring the cat back.”
“If you had ate the banana you’d be dead by now.”
“It’s not blood I’m afraid, it’s ketchup.”
“I’m sorry to hear about your eyes.”
“Chocolate icecream” (just to mix things up.)

Put that with the combomime and we had a madness that I hope shook people to their cores. People tried impressionist dance, I went with blood and cats.

Ah, there was also the lovely run-in with the young man who said he’s “heard of Dorset but had no idea where it was.” He was from London which I said I too had heard rumours of.

So all the uni visits end this month so I can get back to the writing aka. the reason I’m on the Gap Year. Hey did I mention that there was a story on ? Well there is. Why not go over and leave a comment such as “Yeeees, I think I can see where you’re going but, um, you know I’m busy with getting drunk and groping people so I’ll come back when you’ve done more.” ?
Yes, all two of you have read this bugger.

So that’s my post to save myself from the list. What larks.


Kojé said...

I'll have you know I read it too! I merely did not reply. In fact you inspired me to draw a three-headed dog at work. How lovely.
Also, why can we never speak? :( it breaks my tiny little weasel heart

Big Sal said...

Good work Janman, your blog will be restored to its rightful place once more.

Jonathan said...

I also have read. It may also be some compensation to learn that I have not partaken of any of the activities described at the very end of this post.
Good to hear you have some offers.

Rossa said...

This is great info to know.