Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Taken from the files of Captain Thomas Jancis MD SEX-E (140207)

* Today was the celebration of Saint Valentine’s Day.
Big V was some kind of chocolate god who gives flowers and kinky undies to all the good boys and girls but cheese and clymedia to the bad ones.

* I was awarded with two flowers for my general prowess and sexablity. One of these flowers had this written on its’ card:
Roses are a brand of chocolates that come in wrappers of various colours, including blue, and I like you.
I am convinced that this might be a clue to the whereabouts of my girlfriend and my missing memories. That or I’m liked by someone who likes chocolates. That knocks out the lactose intolerant.
And Sarah. Unless the cheeselove was some cunning ruse to pretend she doesn’t like the holiday. Which we know is impossible as girls get high on flowers and soppy cards.

* POSSIBLE LINE OF INVESTIGATION: Bennet=Man?

* I also taught a robot how to love. His name was Murray V or Murray Five. Of course the idea blew his little mind and to put a long story into two words. Matt’s dead. Yes, again! I’ve made it look like he’s on a university visit until I can either find an actor or clone him. It wouldn’t be the first time.
I don’t want to call my friends stupid but the last guy was a forty-two year old Porto Rican.

* FINAL WORDS OF MATT:
Time: 8:32- Outside the school gates.
Matt (M) meet with Murray Five (MV). They began conversation. This continued for five minutes until the following conversation was overheard by one Captain Thomas Jancis (J)

MV: WHAT IS LOVE!!!
M: It’s a human feeling.
MV: WHY DO I NOT FEEL THIS LOVE!
M: It’s emotions like being heartbroken. You don-
Murray V punched Matt in the chest, ripping out his heart.
MV: Your heart appears to be undamaged.
Jancis takes the robot down with his screwdriver. All attempts to save his CPU failed due to the damage done from the light.
M:Tell Murray Five I loved her
J:Murray Five was a guy!
M: Really!? SHIT!!!! Urk.
J: How did he talk without a heart?

* Bobbi (Ibbob) has yet to make a move. But it’s coming. Oh, it’s coming. (Time overdue:176 weeks)

* I also smashed Lewis’ kneecap with the stick. I’m going to need have some form of cover for this. Anyway, he shouldn’t have tried to take my stick in the first place.
* Steak And BJ Day (HJ for the vegis among you) failed miserably with Fanning claiming it to be a stupid idea.

* POSSIBLE LINE OF ACTION: Rape Fanning while he’s sleeping.

2 comments:

Kojé said...

So much entertainment was passed onto me from this blog entry it made me reply....of course I have no idea what to say, so I'll just go off and cry about my inabiility to communicate with the human race via the internet.
*shufflues over to the dusty corner*

Sarah said...

I am not a man... I like cheese. I also like flowers, but not on Valentine's Day...